The American Joe Miller A Collection of Yankee Wit and Humor
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The American Joe Miller A Collection of Yankee Wit and Humor
By Various
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Table of Contents
  • THE AMERICAN JOE MILLER.
  • PREFACE.
  • THE AMERICAN JOE MILLER.
    • EARLY RISING IN CONNECTICUT.—1.
    • SMALL LOAVES.—2.
    • ONLY THE ELEVENTH.—3.
    • SHARP SHOOTING.—4.
    • FOUR POINTS OF A CASE.—5.
    • ADVANTAGE OF BURNING TWO CANDLES.—6.
    • A 4-TUNATE YOUNG MAN.—7.
    • ELBOW-ROOM SCARCE.—8.
    • A COUPLE OF REASONS TOO MANY.—9.
    • EGG "BROF."—10.
    • TO MAKE SAUSAGES.—11.
    • "PREACH SMALL."—12.
    • HARD LYING.—13.
    • BUSINESS AND AFFLICTION.—14.
    • THE JUDGMENT OF SOLOMON.—15.
    • YOUNG JEFF.'S APPETITE.—16.
    • MY PEW, SIR!—17.
    • MAKING A MAN'S COFFIN BEFORE HIS DEATH.—18.
    • DRAWING THE LONG BOW.—19.
    • A QUEER CUP OF COFFEE.—20.
    • THE TREASURE TROVE. BY B. O. B.—21.
    • REMARKABLE TENACITY OF LIFE.—22.
    • SAM'S SOUL.—23.
    • AMERICAN ESTIMATE OF THEIR CLERGY.—24.
    • "WHERE WARREN FELL."—25.
    • OUT-YANKEED.—26.
    • THE PRESIDENT'S VOICE.—27.
    • HOW A "COPPERHEAD" WAS SHAVED.—28.
    • WHAT HE DID THE FIRST YEAR.—29.
    • THE LEARNED MEMBERS OF THE AMERICAN LEGISLATURE.—30.
    • A CANDID PARSON.—31.
    • A STUMP ORATOR.—32.
    • THE COLONEL ANSWERED.—33.
    • PITHY LETTER.—34.
    • THE GRAHAM SYSTEM.—35.
    • WARD BEECHER'S PREACHING.—36.
    • KISSING IN WISCONSIN.—37.
    • TOO SLOW FOR PARADISE.—38.
    • THAT'S A GOOD 'UN!—39.
    • INTERESTING TO THE PARTIES CONCERNED.—40.
    • A KNOWING JURYMAN.—41.
    • PAY YOUR POSTAGE.—42.
    • SOUND ADVICE.—43.
    • SIMPLICITY.—44.
    • CORKING UP DAYLIGHT.—45.
    • A BABY STORY.—46.
    • MARRIAGE NOTICES.—47.
    • A HOMELY FLAG OF TRUCE.—48.
    • HE HAD HIM THAT TIME.—49.
    • "DE DISSOLUTION OF COPARSNIPS."—50.
    • UNACCEPTABLE GRATITUDE.—51.
    • FEELING HER WAY.—52.
    • FORENSIC ELOQUENCE.—53.
    • STORY WITH A MORAL.—54.
    • ODD EXCUSE FOR NOT BEING HUNG.—55.
    • AN AGREEABLE CUSTOMER.—56.
    • FAILED FOR A GOOD REASON.—57.
    • WRITING TO THE OLD WOMAN.—58.
    • "I'M THE BAGGAGE."—59.
    • CROSS PURPOSES.—60.
    • THE CHICKENS IN TENNESSEE.—61.
    • A SONNET INSTEAD OF A BONNET.—62.
    • THE OLD HEN AND CHICKENS.—63.
    • STRANGE PECULIARITIES.—64.
    • GRIM WELCOME.—65.
    • BACHELORISM A LUXURY.—66.
    • A COOL CUSTOMER.—67.
    • SCRIPTURE NAMES.—68.
    • AN INQUIRING MIND.—69.
    • THE WAY OF THE WORLD.—70.
    • KNOCKING AT THE CHURCH DOOR.—71.
    • SCENE IN AN AMERICAN COURT.—72.
    • SOAP COMING HANDY.—73.
    • A CONDENSED NOVEL.—74.
    • SECURING HIS TRUNK.—75.
    • A DRY JOKE IN A DRY GOODS' STORE.—76.
    • YANKEE NOTION OF MACBETH.—77.
    • THE PUGNACIOUS RAM.—78.
    • A HORRIFIED DANDY.—79.
    • STRIKING EFFECT OF A STRIKE.—80.
    • HABITS OF A GREAT MAN.—81.
    • BILLY BRAY.—82.
    • TRANSATLANTIC MATRIMONIAL ADVERTISEMENTS.—83.
    • A CITIZEN OF ALL THE STATES.—84.
    • MIXING THE BABIES.—85.
    • DANIEL WEBSTER AND WILLIAM WIRT.—86.
    • NOT TO BE DONE.—87.
    • CAUGHT UNAWARES.—88.
    • THE YOUNG PATRIOT.—89.
    • DEMOSTHENES NOT DEAD.—90.
    • A PUZZLED JUDGE.—91.
    • TO NEWSPAPER BORROWERS.—92.
    • PADDLE YOUR OWN CANOE.—93.
    • TO SNORERS.—94.
    • INGENIOUS BOOT-BLACK.—95.
    • A YANKEE'S AUTOBIOGRAPHY.—96.
    • COLD PICTURE.—97.
    • LINCOLN ON NIGGER MATHEMATICS.—98.
    • THE WRONG TRAIN.—99.
    • SCIENTIFIC AGREEMENT.—100.
    • THE SADDEST SIGHT.—101.
    • NO DOUBT.—102.
    • JOB'S PATIENCE—AS VIEWED BY A LADY.—103.
    • HUNTING UP A SOFT PLACE.—104.
    • ENGLISH GRAMMAR.—105.
    • ALL WELL.—106.
    • WHAT HE ALWAYS DID AT HOME.—107.
    • HAVING THE COFFIN HANDY.—108.
    • PATERNAL ADVICE.—109.
    • THE FIRST MARRIAGE.—110.
    • NOVEL COMMENTARY BY A PARSON.—111.
    • LOBSTER SALAD.—112.
    • COULDN'T HELP IT, IN FACT.—113.
    • AFTER JOINING CHURCH.—114.
    • REMARKABLE DREAM.—115.
    • THE NEST EGG.—116.
    • WOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO KNOW? BY J. G. SAXE.—117.
    • WOMAN-OLOGY.—118.
    • OLE HARRY AND OLE NICK.—119.
    • WESTERN OBITUARY NOTICE.—120.
    • PUTTING FORWARD HIS CREED.—121.
    • NOT SO.—122.
    • THE OHIO DEMOCRACY.—123.
    • A NICE GIRL.—124.
    • A REASON FOR DEAR CREAM.—125.
    • ADVICE TO PARENTS.—126.
    • EXTRAORDINARY CROW.—127.
    • LOGS WANTED.—128.
    • LOOK ON THIS PICTURE AND ON THIS.—129.
    • ABSENCE OF MIND.—130.
    • DOMESTIC ECONOMY.—131.
    • TALL RELATIONS.—132.
    • WE WONDER, TOO.—133.
    • INFLAMMABLE AND DANGEROUS.—134.
    • A RARE PRINTER.—135.
    • SOMETHING LIKE A GOOD SHOT.—136.
    • ABSENCE OF MIND.—137.
    • A REMARKABLE MAN.—138.
    • SPECTACLES AND BIBLE READING.—139.
    • TO THE POINT.—140.
    • EXTRAORDINARY MOTTO.—141.
    • EXCESSIVE POLITENESS.—142.
    • "A SHELL IN DE STOVE."—143.
    • DIAMOND CUT DIAMOND.—144.
    • EDITORIAL TRIBULATIONS.—145.
    • SAMBO AND CUFFEE.—146.
    • AN ODE ON GAS.—147.
    • CURIOSITIES OF AMERICAN SPEECH.—148.
    • VERY LIKELY.—149.
    • CURIOUS EVENT.—150.
    • HOT PIES.—151.
    • A MIGHTY THICK FOG.—152.
    • WHISKERS AND KISSES.—153.
    • LITTLES.—154.
    • SPEAKING HIS DEEP EMOTIONS.—155.
    • SPIRITUALISM EXTRAORDINARY.—156.
    • MILWAUKEE ELOQUENCE.—157.
    • HEAVY TOP-DRESSING.—158.
    • HAIRS, NOT BRISTLES.—159.
    • ANTEDILUVIAN DIET.—160.
    • JIMMY O'NEIL AND PRESIDENT JACKSON.—161.
    • THE ORIGIN OF "SOME PUNKIN."—162.
    • ARTEMUS WARD ON THE NEGRO.—163.
    • A QUAKER'S EXCUSE FOR FIRING.—164.
    • BROTHER OF FOUR MILLION CHILDREN.—165.
    • SUSPECTING THE SHELL.—166.
    • A SMART RAILWAY EMPLOYÉ.—167.
    • THE LATE FLOYD.—168.
    • A VEGETABLE HEAD.—169.
    • OBJECTING TO MISSIONS.—170.
    • HIS FIRST STEP.—171.
    • HIS WIFE'S COUSIN.—172.
    • YANKEE TOASTS.—173.
    • A BIG PUFF.—174.
    • VERY ODD THAT.—175.
    • HOW ALE STRENGTHENED HIM.—176.
    • LUMINOUS EVIDENCE.—177.
    • SCIPIO'S WIFE.—178.
    • THE DYING SOLDIER AND HIS MOTHER.—179.
    • CANINE RESEMBLANCE.—180.
    • MARRIAGE AND SINGLE BLESSEDNESS.—181.
    • A "FOREST-BORN" ORATOR.—182.
    • HEN PERSUADERS.—183.
    • POPPING THE QUESTION.—184.
    • NEGRO SERMON.—185.
    • GRANDPA'S SPECTACLES.—186.
    • TREMENDOUS GALE.—187.
    • A WITTY SENTINEL.—188.
    • A CAUTIOUS WITNESS.—189.
    • A POETICAL EDITOR.—190.
    • NO PATIENTS LIVING.—191.
    • CRIMINAL DIDN'T SEE IT.—192.
    • A RETURNED SOLDIER'S LETTER TO HIS NURSE.—193.
    • SUPERFLUOUS TESTIMONIAL.—194.
    • HARD UP.—195.
    • PRESIDENTIAL PUNS.—196.
    • OPENNESS OF COUNTENANCE.—197.
    • HOLDING THE STAKES.—198.
    • THE JUDGE AND HIS COACHMAN.—199.
    • A STAGE-STRUCK HOOSIER.—200.
    • TAKING HIS PATIENT FOR A RIDE.—201.
    • A SOLDIER'S FAREWELL.—202.
    • YANKEE BRASS.—203.
    • NOT TO BE WONDERED AT.—204.
    • PETE'S EXPECTATIONS.—205.
    • LOOKING FOR A SITUATION UNDER GOVERNMENT.—206.
    • IN BLACK AND WHITE.—207.
    • A GUARDED ANSWER.—208.
    • QUEER QUERIES.—209.
    • DO YOU SMOKE?—210.
    • A RAT STORY.—211.
    • SUBSTITUTING ONE TREAT FOR ANOTHER.—212.
    • HOTEL RULES AT THE "DIGGINS."—213.
    • ODD NAMES.—214.
    • LEGAL ADVICE UNDER SINGULAR CIRCUMSTANCES.—215.
    • SHARP CHILD.—216.
    • TAKING THE STARCH OUT.—217.
    • THE EFFECT OF ELOQUENCE.—218.
    • HOTEL ACCOMMODATION IN THE SOUTH.—219.
    • A PLUMP QUESTION.—220.
    • THE CORDS OF HYMEN.—221.
    • CURE FOR FAINTING.—222.
    • A CHEAP TREAT.—223.
    • JOSH BILLINGS INSURES HIS LIFE.—224.
    • SHORT AND EXPRESSIVE.—225.
    • DOW, JUNIOR.—226.
    • A PROMPT REPLY.—227.
    • INTERRUPTING THE SERMON.—228.
    • HOW SAM WAS CAUGHT.—229.
    • FANCY HER FEELINGS.—230.
    • ABSENCE OF MIND.—231.
    • KEEN AND SIGNIFICANT.—232.
    • A LEGAL TOAST.—233.
    • RATHER 'CUTE.—234.
    • NOVEL HINT FROM THE PULPIT.—235.
    • TIRED OF HIS BOARDING-HOUSE.—236.
    • THE AMERICAN PLATFORMS.—237.
    • ALL HUMAN.—238.
    • CONDITIONAL FORGIVENESS.—239.
    • ILLEGIBLE MANUSCRIPTS.—240.
    • A CLOSE WITNESS.—241.
    • A SATISFACTORY REASON.—242.
    • THE OLD KING'S ARM.—243.
    • REASONS FOR NOT JOINING THE CHURCH.—244.
    • IRISH EXHORTATION.—245.
    • IN LOVE WITH THE DEVIL.—246.
    • HOW MR. LINCOLN SHAKES HANDS.—247.
    • HARD SCRABBLE.—248.
    • I WOULD IF I COULD.—249.
    • A SOLEMN HOUR.—250.
    • PROVERBS.—PRESERVED BY JOSHUA BILLINGS, ESQ.—251.
    • BRIGHAM YOUNG'S WIVES.—252.
    • THE OTHER SIDE.—253.
    • EDITORS EXCHANGING COMPLIMENTS.—254.
    • A SLASHING ARTICLE.—255.
    • A NOVEL VERDICT.—256.
    • AMERICAN NOTION OF VILLANY.—257.
    • CONFESSION OF A CLERGYMAN.—258.
    • PERSONAL.—259.
    • AWKWARD COINCIDENCE.—260.
    • HOW TO GET A SEAT BY THE FIRE.—261.
    • RIVALLING NATURE.—262.
    • THE SUBLIME AND RIDICULOUS.—263.
    • A SENSIBLE WOMAN.—264.
    • ANOTHER DISCOVERY.—265.
    • UNNECESSARY APPREHENSION.—266.
    • EITHER WAY WILL DO.—267.
    • A MOOTED QUESTION.—268.
    • PARTING FRIENDS.—269.
    • HOW TO DO BUSINESS.—270.
    • EXEMPT, DECIDEDLY.—271.
    • A LONE NIGGER.—272.
    • A LIBELLOUS ASSERTION.—273.
    • WESTERN NEIGHBOURS.—274.
    • SNUBBING A LAWYER.—275.
    • GETTING DOWN A LADDER.—276.
    • IRISH NEGRO.—277.
    • INTERESTING EXPERIMENT.—278.
    • SAYINGS OF JOSH BILLINGS.—279.
    • TWO THINGS MADE TO BE LOST.—280.
    • REASONS ENOUGH.—281.
    • LOW-NECKED FROCKS.—282.
    • EMERSON AND THEODORE PARKER.—283.
    • HOW TO GO MAD.—284.
    • A WISE JUDGE.—285.
    • SPARING HIS FEELINGS.—286.
    • OF COURSE NOT.—287.
    • A FEMALE ADMIRABLE CRICHTON.—288.
    • A FLOATING POPULATION.—289.
    • DEMOCRATS versus REPUBLICANS.—290.
    • A POOR COUPLE.—291.
    • AN INDUCEMENT TO YOUNG PEOPLE.—292.
    • AN EDITORIAL HORSE.—293.
    • HIGHLY PROBABLE.—294.
    • NOVEL EFFECT OF A SECOND MARRIAGE.—295.
    • STRIKING DEFINITION OF A COQUETTE.—296.
    • QUALIFICATIONS FOR A PARSON.—297.
    • EXTRAORDINARY ABSENCE OF MIND.—298.
    • A JOKE BY JENKINS.—299.
    • "AND THAT'S A FACT."—300.
    • A QUESTION FOR ASTRONOMERS.—301.
    • GRIEVING FOR A WIFE.—302.
    • WHAT IRISHMEN DO!—303.
    • SAD SCARCITY OF PAPER.—304.
    • THE DATE WANTED.—305.
    • THE HEIGHT OF MEANNESS.—306.
    • COLUMBUS'S DISCOVERY.—307.
    • THE LONG AND THE SHORT OF IT.—308.
    • COOLNESS.—309.
    • NAMING CHILDREN IN AMERICA.—310.
    • A POLITE MAN.—311.
    • FINE WRITING.—312.
    • "MAILS" AND FEMALES.—313.
    • AN UNKIND REMINDER.—314.
    • "CLIMACTERIC SUBLIMITY."—315.
    • MORE LAUGHABLE THAN LOGICAL.—316.
    • THE LAW OF COMPENSATION.—317.
    • COULDN'T MAKE AN IMPRESSION.—318.
    • THE MINISTER'S RECEPTION.—319.
    • PRINTERS' MISTAKES.—320.
    • PLAIN ENOUGH.—321.
    • ONE OF THE PRESS.—322.
    • ANOTHER BURST OF ELOQUENCE.—323.
    • THE REASON WHY.—324.
    • THE CLERGYMAN AND THE LAWYER.—325.
    • EDITORIAL FIX.—326.
    • A MEAT BABY.—327.
    • THE LAPSE OF AGES.—328.
    • PERILS OF THE "FOURTH ESTATE."—329.
    • MODEL ADVERTISEMENTS.—330.
    • NOT PARTICULAR.—331.
    • TRUE AMERICAN PATRIOTISM.—332.
    • POETICAL PATCHWORK.—333.
    • SO HUMANE.—334.
    • THE LYING AT THE TOP.—335.
    • "BRAGGIN' SAVES ADVERTISIN'."—336.
    • CONCLUSIVE.—337.
    • VERDICT OF A NEGRO JURY.—338.
    • VERY CIVIL WAR.—339.
    • A REAL HEAVY GALE.—340.
    • AN APPROPRIATE GIFT.—341.
    • THE CROOKED STICK.—342
    • A SPARE GIRL.—343.
    • NEW WAY TO AFFIX A STAMP.—344.
    • THE ORIGINAL BROTHER JONATHAN.—345.
    • THOUGHTFUL MOTHERS.—346.
    • GRACE ONCE FOR ALL.—347.
    • PAINTING TO THE LIFE.—348.
    • COLUMBUS AND THE EGG.—349.
    • THE HEAVENLY "BODIES."—350.
    • THE HAPPIEST OF VOWELS.—351.
    • A TOUGH YANKEE.—352.
    • USED TO IT.—353.
    • QUOTING HIS FATHER.—354.
    • WHY THE WAR GOES ON.—355.
    • WHAT U. S. STANDS FOR.—356.
    • A WISE FOOL.—357.
    • "OLD BRAINS."—358.
    • THE GOVERNOR AND THE JUSTICE.—359.
    • AN ENTHUSIASTIC NEWSVENDOR.—360.
    • PROFITLESS PREACHING.—361.
    • NOT FOR WANT.—362.
    • SAM SLICK ON HAPPINESS.—363.
    • A LAGGING COMPLIMENT.—364.
    • WEDLOCK FIRST INSTITUTED.—365.
    • A STRIKING LESSON.—366.
    • A DISINTERESTED LIEUTENANT.—367.
    • CLAIMING AND TAKING EXEMPTION.—368.
    • GREAT SCARCITY.—369.
    • THE CAPTAIN'S PUDDING.—370.
    • SALARY NOT SO MUCH AN OBJECT, ETC.—371.
    • ARTEMUS WARD TO THE PRINCE OF WALES.—372.
    • PROVIDING FOR BILLS.—373.
    • GENERAL LEE AND A SON OF ERIN.—374.
    • THE NIAGARA FALLS FROM FOUR POINTS OF VIEW.—375.
    • LOGIC OF CONGRESS.—376.
    • COLT'S ARMS versus COLT'S LEGS.—377.
    • INFANTILE IDEAS OF DISTANCE.—378.
    • "DAT'S DE MYSTERY."—379.
    • OUR BOB.—380.
    • SAMBO'S SUSPICION.—381.
    • WHERE THE DUCKS WENT.—382.
    • NO PLACE LIKE HOME.—383.
    • DAMAGING THE ENGINE.—384.
    • A QUAKER WOMAN'S SERMON.—385.
    • A DELICATE CUT.—386.
    • NOVEL TELEGRAPHIC MESSAGE.—387.
    • BREAKFAST IN BED.—388.
    • SHEDDING THEIR LAST DROP OF BLOOD.—389.
    • POINTED RETORT.—390.
    • THE LETTER R.—391.
    • NOT WILLING TO DIE.—392.
    • HER POOR JERRY.—393.
    • TALL TALK.—394.
    • AN EYE TO BUSINESS.—395.
    • WHAT A FINE WOMAN IS LIKE.—396.
    • TRUTH WANTED.—397.
    • AN IRISH BULL AT BULL'S RUN.—398.
    • STRONG INDUCEMENT TO CLOSE UP.—399.
    • STEAM DEFINED.—400.
    • A "BUS" IN THE CARS.—401.
    • HOUSEHOLD WORDS.—402.
    • HIS REASONS FOR LEAVING.—403.
    • YOUR FARE, MISS.—404.
    • AGREEING WITH ALL THE GIRLS.—405.
    • WHEN THE BOAT STARTED.—406.
    • THE BLIND PHRENOLOGIST OF ST. LOUIS.—407.
    • CHASING A LOCOMOTIVE.—408.
    • THE LATEST WAY.—409.
    • A GREAT TRAVELLER.—410.
    • WHOSE FAULT WAS IT?—411.
    • A MODEST LINENDRAPER.—412.
    • GONE HOME.—413.
    • AN INCIDENT AND AN EPIGRAM.—414.
    • JUST GOT MARRIED.—415.
    • KIND AND SYMPATHETIC.—416.
    • HUMAN NATURE.—417.
    • A YOUNG LADY'S SACRIFICE.—418.
    • POETRY AND PROSE.—419.
    • DANIEL WEBSTER AND HIS BILLS.—420.
    • KEEPING A SECRET.—421.
    • MOST TOO SUDDEN.—422.
    • "ANY RELATIONS?"—423.
    • DIDN'T CARE THEN IF HE DID.—424.
    • NO JUSTICE IN THAT COURT.—425.
    • SENSATIONS OF A DOWN-EASTER.—426.
    • CHANGES.—427.
    • LONGFELLOW AND LONGWORTH.—428.
    • NOVEL PROPOSITION.—429.
    • INTERESTING ANNOUNCEMENT.—430.
    • EXCUSE FOR DRINKING.—431.
    • TIGHT-FISTED.—432.
    • EDITORS' WIVES WIELDING THE BROOM.—433.
    • THE WRONG WOMAN.—434.
    • A JOKE BY THE PRESIDENT.—435.
    • WISE LAWS—BY SAM SLICK.—436.
    • A DOUBLE DIFFICULTY.—437.
    • WITH A QUILL.—438.
    • DOUBTFUL.—439.
    • THE LETTER S.—440.
    • NONSENSE ABOUT LOVE.—441.
    • WONDERFUL.—442.
    • HARD UP.—443.
    • MILITARY TACTICS.—444.
    • SETTLING THE WINE BILL.—445.
    • SMILES.—446.
    • FORLORN HOPE.—447.
    • ARTISTIC EXECUTION.—448.
    • TALKING MATCH.—449.
    • KISSING BY PROXY.—450.
    • EFFECTIVE REMONSTRANCE.—451.
    • LATEST DOG STORY.—452.
    • A NOTE BY THE EDITOR.—453.
    • DISCONSOLATE.—454.
    • INDUCEMENT UNNECESSARY.—455.
    • PRETENCE.—456.
    • "OPEN THY CUPBOARD TO ME."—457.
    • NATUR'S BALANCES.—458.
    • AN EPIGRAM ON PRESIDENT LINCOLN.—459.
    • AMERICAN SOIL—ITS NATURAL RICHNESS.—460.
    • JOHN AND THE WIDDAH.—461.
    • STRIKING RESEMBLANCE.—462.
    • UNDOUBTED COURAGE.—463.
    • A SIMILE.—464.
    • FIVE OUTS AND ONE IN.—465.
    • SAM SLICK'S DESCRIPTION OF A TEETOTALLER.—466.
    • ECLIPSING HIMSELF.—467.
    • FAMILIAR ACQUAINTANCE.—468.
    • PRESIDENT LINCOLN'S FIRST POLITICAL SPEECH.—469.
    • TAKE CARE OF YOUR BAGGAGE.—470.
    • AMERICAN COMPETITION.—471.
    • AMERICAN DEFINITIONS.—472.
    • TWO THINGS UNEXPECTED.—473.
    • PERPETUAL MOTION.—474.
    • ARTEMUS WARD ON REORGANIZATION.—475.
    • A RECEIPT IN FULL.—476.
    • A SUDDEN DECLARATION.—477.
    • A VOCATION.—478.
    • MAJOR DOWNING IN LONDON.—479.
    • ANY BETTER THAN NONE.—480.
    • A PRINTER'S TOAST.—481.
    • WASHINGTON IRVING.—482.
    • QUIZZING A WITNESS.—483.
    • A WITTY AIDE-DE-CAMP.—484.
    • NATURE AND ART.—485.
    • THE PRESIDENT AND THE MARSHAL.—486.
    • INSINUATING REJOINDER.—487.
    • STYLING THE FIRM.—488.
    • A REMARKABLE CHAMBER-MAID.—489.
    • SAVING THE TRUTH.—490.
    • NIGGER EXPLANATION.—491.
    • A JEW D'ESPRIT.—492.
    • CUFF'S CABIN.—493.
    • SMALL WAISTS AND TIGHT LACING.—494.
    • THACKERAY AND THE PIRATE'S DAUGHTER.—495.
    • GENERAL MEADE TO GENERAL LEE.—496.
    • ADOPTING THE OTHER COURSE.—497.
    • A WHALE AT PEAS.—498.
    • A TEARFUL RESPONSE.—499.
    • A PRETENDED PELHAM.—500.
    • DINNER, BUT NO BREAKFAST.—501.
    • THE LOAFER'S HAT.—502.
    • THE DEBT OF NATURE.—503.
    • A BLACK BULL.—504.
    • A NEW DISH.—505.
    • THE LAST COMPLIMENT.—506.
    • PRECEPT AND PRACTICE.—507.
    • A FAIR RETORT.—508.
    • DR. FRANKLIN.—509.
    • REASONABLE INSTINCT.—510.
    • DANIEL WEBSTER'S COURTSHIP.—511.
    • PRESENTED AT COURT.—512.
    • CRITICAL.—513.
    • HARD FEATHERS.—514.
    • SNORING IN CHURCH.—515.
    • PROFESSOR EVERETT AND JUDGE STORY.—516.
    • LOVE-LETTER INK.—517.
    • A ROUGH BEDFELLOW.—518.
    • NEW, IF NOT TRUE.—519.
    • TRUE, IF NOT NEW.—520.
    • CURING TWO AFFLICTIONS.—521.
    • PLAIN SPOKEN.—522.
    • POPPING THE QUESTION.—523.
    • A GEM.—524.
    • THINGS I SHOULD LIKE TO SEE.—525.
    • QUESTION FOR QUESTION.—526.
    • THE YANKEE.—527.
    • TRUE POLITENESS.—528.
    • A "DISTANT" FRIEND.—529.
    • JONATHAN OF ALL TRADES.—530.
    • MUCH VIRTUE IN AN "IF."—531.
    • THE SCHOOLMASTER ABROAD.—532.
    • ANSWERING AN ADVERTISEMENT.—533.
    • THE LOVERS' LEAP.—534.
    • COMPLIMENTARY.—535.
    • CUTTING.—536.
    • THE DARKIE'S WISH.—537.
    • POOR PREACHING AND POOR PAY.—538.
    • A TRUMP CARD.—539.
    • TIMELY WARNING.—540.
    • HABITUAL THIRST.—541.
    • STONING STEPHEN.—542.
    • VIRGINIAN ELOQUENCE.—543.
    • YANKEE FACTORY GIRLS.—544.
    • FALLING IN LOVE.—545.
    • DULL MEMBERS.—546.
    • HEADY.—547.
    • SAM SLICK'S GEOLOGY.—548.
    • POLITICS.—549.
    • GOOD EYESIGHT.—550.
    • A KNOWING CONTRABAND.—551.
    • GENERAL GRANT.—552.
    • SNIP.—553.
    • BACKWOODS CONVERSATION.—554.
    • NO VICES.—555.
    • "FIRE AT THE CRISIS."—556.
    • A SHREWD NIGGER.—557.
    • AN AMERICAN "HELP."—558.
    • GERMAN WINES.—559.
    • THE GENERAL NO PATTERN.—560.
    • IT FOLLOWS.—561.
    • JOSHUA BILLINGS ON HORSES.—562.
    • AMERICAN CURIOSITY.—563.
    • YANKEE INQUISITIVENESS.—564.
    • THE AMENDE HONOURABLE.—565.
    • YANKEE PORTRAIT OF JOHN BULL.—566.
    • A SLIGHT DIFFERENCE.—567.
    • HALF GUILTY.—568.
    • THE OTHER IMPEDIMENT.—569.
    • WONDERFUL, IF TRUE.—570.
    • JONATHAN'S GUESS.—571.
    • SURE OF IT.—572.
    • PICTURE-DEALING.—573.
    • STRETCH OF IMAGINATION.—574.
    • ADVICE TO DOCTORS.—575.
    • SETTING THE TIME.—576.
    • REMARKABLY SOCIABLE.—577.
    • THE HOUSE THAT JEFF. BUILT.—578.
    • PUZZLED.—579.
    • THE PAPER COLLARS.—580.
    • CAUSE AND EFFECT.—581.
    • PROFIT AND LOSS.—582.
    • THE "NAYGERS."—583.
    • PICKLED ELEPHANT.—584.
    • SAME DRUNK.—585.
    • CATCHING.—586.
    • TO MAKE LEECHES BITE.—587.
    • LACONIC.—588.
    • AIDS TO MEMORY.—589.
    • SIMMONS ON LIFE.—590.
    • CUTE EXPEDIENT.—591.
    • A MILD ASSERTION.—592.
    • FRIENDLY NOTICE.—593.
    • TIPPING THEM LATIN.—594.
    • A SOLID REASON.—595.
    • SQUASHED.—596.
    • BRIGHT AND BLUE.—597.
    • OYSTERS.—598.
    • ABSTRACTION.—599.
    • MODERN DEFINITIONS NOT FOUND IN ANY OF THE ANCIENT DICTIONARIES.—600.
    • FIRM FOUNDATION.—601.
    • GALLANT CORRECTION.—602.
    • HARD HEARING.—603.
    • YANKEE MODESTY.—604.
    • A REBUKE.—605.
    • MONSTER PUNCH-BOWL.—606.
    • LONG LIVERS.—607.
    • REMARKABLE SKIPPER.—608.
    • YOUTH INDIGNANT.—609.
    • DANIEL WEBSTER.—610.
    • THANKS TO HIS HENS.—611.
    • CONFIDENCE NECESSARY.—612.
    • PAINFUL NECESSITY.—613.
    • ANSWERED AT ONCE.—614.
    • MORE COPY.—615.
    • POPPING CORN.—616.
    • POWERFUL SERMON.—617.
    • HUGGING.—618.
    • TART.—619.
    • WHO FIDDLED.—620.
    • BONNETS.—621.
    • SAVED THE LEATHER.—622.
    • LEGISLATION.—623.
    • WHEN WILL THEY MEET?—624.
    • THE MILLENNIUM AT HAND.—625.
    • SAYINGS WISE AND WITTY.—626.
    • HER MARRIAGE GIFT.—627.
    • A FINE STREAM.—628.
    • KNOWING, AND NOT KNOWING.—629.
    • WAR PHRASES.—630.
    • FOND OF SOCIETY.—631.
    • ARTEMUS WARD'S COURTSHIP.—632.
    • COLONEL CROCKETT AND THE 'COON.—633.
    • MODESTY.—634.
    • SELF-EVIDENT KNOWLEDGE.—635.
    • OBSTINACY CURED.—636.
    • NERVE OF FEELING.—637.
    • TWO MUCH ICE.—638.
    • ALL-HEALING.—639.
    • PUTTING A GOOD FACE ON IT.—640.
    • OBEYING ORDERS.—641.
    • NOT EXACTLY.—642.
    • THE ANGLER CAUGHT.—643.
    • SPLENDID FIRING.—644.
    • CHARGED AND DISCHARGED.—645.
    • COLONEL CROCKETT.—646.
    • AGRICULTURAL RETURNS.—647.
    • FRANKLIN AND HANCOCK.—648.
    • HENRY CLAY.—649.
    • NATURAL MISTAKE.—650.
    • LITERATURE.—651.
    • THOMAS JEFFERSON.—652.
    • BORROWING THE BABY.—653.
    • FORCIBLE EVICTION.—654.
    • BOXES AND PIT.—655.
    • A SWIFT HORSE.—656.
    • PASSING THE COW TO THE CALF.—657.
    • NATURE AND ART.—658.
    • NEARING IT BY DEGREES.—659.
    • AN APT PUPIL.—660.
    • POETS.—661.
    • GIN AND WATER.—662.
    • THE "STEAL PEN."—663.
    • A PILE OF JOKES.—664.
    • OBITUARY NOTICE.—665.
    • AN INFANT TEACHER.—666.
    • QUADRUPLICATED PUN.—667.
    • BUCOLIC STUPIDITY.—668.
    • LIFE IN KENTUCKY.—669.
    • AMERICAN PROVERBS AND SIMILES.—670.
    • SIMILES.—671.
  • INDEX.
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