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Nothing to Eat

By Thomas Chandler Haliburton, Horatio Alger
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Table of Contents
  • NOTHING TO EAT
    • NOT By the Author of "Nothing to Wear"
      • "I'll nibble a little at what I have got."
        • —"My appetite's none of the best. And so I must pamper the delicate thing." —The least mite will suffice: A side bone and dressing and bit of the breast. The tip of the rump—that's it—and one of the fli's"
        • Respectfully Dedicated TO ALL LADIES "DYING WITH DYSPEPSIA. "Where fashion and folly are all of a suit." BY A JOLLY GOOD NATURED AUTHOR.
      • —"My appetite's none of the best. And so I must pamper the delicate thing." —The least mite will suffice: A side bone and dressing and bit of the breast. The tip of the rump—that's it—and one of the fli's"
      • Respectfully Dedicated TO ALL LADIES "DYING WITH DYSPEPSIA. "Where fashion and folly are all of a suit." BY A JOLLY GOOD NATURED AUTHOR.
    • "I'll nibble a little at what I have got."
      • —"My appetite's none of the best. And so I must pamper the delicate thing." —The least mite will suffice: A side bone and dressing and bit of the breast. The tip of the rump—that's it—and one of the fli's"
      • Respectfully Dedicated TO ALL LADIES "DYING WITH DYSPEPSIA. "Where fashion and folly are all of a suit." BY A JOLLY GOOD NATURED AUTHOR.
    • —"My appetite's none of the best. And so I must pamper the delicate thing." —The least mite will suffice: A side bone and dressing and bit of the breast. The tip of the rump—that's it—and one of the fli's"
    • Respectfully Dedicated TO ALL LADIES "DYING WITH DYSPEPSIA. "Where fashion and folly are all of a suit." BY A JOLLY GOOD NATURED AUTHOR.
  • NOTHING TO EAT.
    • Not by the Author of "Nothing to Wear."
    • The Argument
    • The Proof—the Queen of Fashion
    • The Object aimed at.
    • What another Poet did.
    • How the Author sometimes Dines.
    • Merdle the Banker.
    • Places Where Mortals Dine.
    • Things That Mortals Eat There.
    • The Invitation.
    • The Merdle Origin.
    • Mrs. Merdle At Home.
    • Mrs. Merdle goes to Market.
    • The Dinner-bell Rings.
    • The Dinner Table Talk.
    • Mrs. Merdle doubts Paradise's Uneating Pleasure.
    • Mrs. Merdle Discourseth of Things Earthly.
    • Mrs. Merdle Discourseth of Things Eatable.
    • Mrs. Merdle Ordereth the Second Course.
    • Mrs. Merdle Discourseth of Hygiene and Fish Sauce.
    • Mrs. Merdle Describeth her Doctor.
    • Mrs. Merdle Discourseth again on Dinner.
    • Mrs. Merdle Accepteth of a slight Dinner, suitable for a Woman suffering with Dyspepsia.
    • Mrs. Merdle Discourseth of Wishes and her Sufferings.
    • Mrs. Merdle Discourseth of Pudding.
    • Mrs. Merdle Discourseth of the necessity of good Wine and other Matters.
    • Mrs. Merdle Suggesteth that Dinner being finished, the Gentlement will Smoke. In the meantime, she Discourseth.
    • Mrs. Merdle, having "Nibbled a Little" for two Hours at Dinner, retireth from the Table unsatisfied.
    • The Poet Moralizeth—He Discourseth to those who Gorge and Complain.
    • He Discourseth of the Wherefore of Bachelorism.
    • He Discourseth of What some Mortals Live for.
    • He Imploreth Mercy upon those condemned with fashionable folly to Marry, and Illustrateth their Condition.
    • He Imploreth Merry for other Unfortunate Beings.
    • He Discourseth of a Common Prayer.
    • He Discourseth of Trouble and Sorrow.
    • He Moralizeth upon what a Day may Bring forth.
      • FINIS.
    • FINIS.
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