Humorous Hits and How to Hold an Audience A Collection of Short Selections, Stories and Sketches for All Occasions
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HUMOROUS HITS AND How to Hold an Audience
INTRODUCTORY
CONTENTS
PART I HOW TO HOLD AN AUDIENCE
THE VOICE
THE BREATH
MODULATION
PAUSING
FEELING AND ENERGY
GESTURE AND ACTION
IMPERSONATION
ARTICULATION AND PRONUNCIATION
IMAGINATION
HOW TO MEMORIZE A SELECTION
BEFORE THE AUDIENCE
PART II HUMOROUS HITS
THE TRAIN-MISSER BY JAMES WHITCOMB RILEY
THE ELOCUTIONIST'S CURFEW BY W. D. NESBIT
MELPOMENUS JONES BY STEPHEN LEACOCK
HER FIFTEEN MINUTES BY TOM MASSON
THE FOXES' TAILS ANONYMOUS
THE DEAD KITTEN ANONYMOUS
THE WEATHER FIEND ANONYMOUS
THE RACE QUESTION BY PAUL LAURENCE DUNBAR
WHEN THE WOODBINE TURNS RED ANONYMOUS
CUPID'S CASUISTRY BY W. J. LAMPTON
WHEN MAH LADY YAWNS BY CHARLES T. GRILLEY
WATCHIN' THE SPARKIN' BY FRED EMERSON BROOKS
THE WAY OF A WOMAN BY BYRON W. KING
THE YACHT CLUB SPEECH ANONYMOUS
MAMMY'S LI'L' BOY BY H. S. EDWARDS
CORYDON BY THOMAS BAILEY ALDRICH
GIB HIM ONE UB MINE BY DANIEL WEBSTER DAVIS
A LESSON WITH THE FAN ANONYMOUS
THE UNDERTOW BY CARRIE BLAKE MORGAN
MARKETING ANONYMOUS
A SPRING IDYL ON "GRASS" BY NIXON WATERMAN
INTRODUCIN' THE SPEECHER BY EDWIN L. BARKER
COUNTING ONE HUNDRED BY JAMES M. BAILEY
THEY NEVER QUARRELED ANONYMOUS
SONG OF THE "L" BY GRENVILLE KLEISER
THE VILLAGE ORACLE BY J. L. HARBOUR
IF I CAN BE BY HER BY BENJAMIN FRANKLIN KING
McCARTHY AND McMANUS ANONYMOUS
AND SHE CRIED BY MINNA IRVING
DOT LEEDLE BOY BY JAMES WHITCOMB RILEY
MR. DOOLEY ON THE GRIP BY FINLAY PETER DUNNE
A RAINY DAY EPISODE ANONYMOUS
I KNEW HE WOULD COME IF I WAITED BY HORACE G. WILLIAMSON
LOVE'S MOODS AND SENSES ANONYMOUS
A NOCTURNAL SKETCH BY THOMAS HOOD
KATIE'S ANSWER ANONYMOUS
"'SPÄCIALLY JIM" ANONYMOUS
AGNES, I LOVE THEE! ANONYMOUS
THE GORILLA ANONYMOUS
BANGING A SENSATIONAL NOVELIST ANONYMOUS
HOPKINS' LAST MOMENTS ANONYMOUS
THE FAIRIES' TEA ANONYMOUS
COUNTING EGGS ANONYMOUS
THE OATMOBILE ANONYMOUS
ALMOST BEYOND ENDURANCE BY JAMES WHITCOMB RILEY
PROOF POSITIVE ANONYMOUS
THE IRISH PHILOSOPHER ANONYMOUS
BELAGCHOLLY DAYS ANONYMOUS
A PANTOMIME SPEECH ANONYMOUS
THE ORIGINAL LAMB ANONYMOUS
WHEN PA WAS A BOY BY S. E. KISER
THE FRECKLED-FACED GIRL (She entertains a visitor while her mother is dressing) ANONYMOUS
WILLIE BY MAX EHRMANN
AMATEUR NIGHT ANONYMOUS
BOUNDING THE UNITED STATES BY JOHN FISKE
DER DOG UND DER LOBSTER ANONYMOUS
HE LAUGHED LAST ANONYMOUS
NORAH MURPHY AND THE SPIRITS BY HENRY HATTON
OPIE READ BY WALLACE BRUCE AMSBARY
THE VILLAGE CHOIR After the Charge of the Light Brigade ANONYMOUS
BILLY OF NEBRASKA BY J. W. BENGOUGH
DOT LAMBS VOT MARY HAF GOT ANONYMOUS
GEORGA WASHINGDONE ANONYMOUS
DA 'MERICANA GIRL BY T. A. DALY
BECKY MILLER ANONYMOUS
PAT AND THE MAYOR ANONYMOUS
THE WIND AND THE MOON BY GEORGE MACDONALD
TOTAL ANNIHILATION ANONYMOUS
UPS AND DOWNS OF MARRIED LIFE ANONYMOUS
THE CROOKED MOUTH FAMILY ANONYMOUS
"IMPH-M" ANONYMOUS
THE USUAL WAY ANONYMOUS
NOTHING SUITED HIM ANONYMOUS
A LITTLE FELLER ANONYMOUS
ROBIN TAMSON'S SMIDDY BY ALEXANDER RODGER
A BIG MISTAKE ANONYMOUS
LORD DUNDREARY'S LETTER ANONYMOUS
SLANG PHRASES ANONYMOUS
THE MERCHANT AND THE BOOK AGENT ANONYMOUS
THE COON'S LULLABY ANONYMOUS
PARODY ON BARBARA FRIETCHIE ANONYMOUS
BEFORE AND AFTER BY CHARLES T. GRILLEY
WHEN GREEK MEETS GREEK ANONYMOUS
MR. POTTS' STORY BY MAX ADELER
AT FIVE O'CLOCK TEA BY MORRIS WADE
KEEP A-GOIN'! BY FRANK L. STANTON
A LOVER'S QUARREL BY CYNTHIA COLES
CASEY AT THE BAT BY PHINEAS THAYER
FAMILIAR LINES ANONYMOUS
A FRIENDLY GAME OF CHECKERS ANONYMOUS
MODERN ROMANCE BY HENRY M. BLOSSOM, JR.
LULLABY BY PAUL LAURENCE DUNBAR
THE REASON WHY BY MARY E. BRADLEY
HOW A BACHELOR SEWS ON A BUTTON ANONYMOUS
CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS ANONYMOUS
THE FLY ANONYMOUS
THE YARN OF THE "NANCY BELL" BY W. S. GILBERT
I TOL' YER SO BY JOHN L. HEATON
"YOU GIT UP!" BY JOE KERR
PRESENTATION OF THE TRUMPET ANONYMOUS
DON'T USE BIG WORDS ANONYMOUS
DER MULE SHTOOD ON DER STEAMBOAD DECK ANONYMOUS
THE NEW SCHOOL READER ANONYMOUS
THE POOR WAS MAD A FAIRY SHTORY FOR LITTLE CHILDHER BY CHARLES BATTELL LOOMIS
LIDES TO BARY JADE ANONYMOUS
"CHARLIE MUST NOT RING TO-NIGHT" Parody on "Curfew Must not Ring To-night" ANONYMOUS
A SHORT ENCORE
MY DOUBLE, AND HOW HE UNDID ME BY EDWARD EVERETT HALE
ROMANCE OF A HAMMOCK ANONYMOUS
FINNIGIN TO FLANNIGAN BY S. W. GILLINAN
AN INTRODUCTION BY MARK TWAIN
THE HARP OF A THOUSAND STRINGS A Hard-shell Baptist Sermon BY JOSHUA S. MORRIS
THE DIFFICULTY OF RIMING ANONYMOUS
SO WAS I BY JOSEPH BERT SMILEY
THE ENCHANTED SHIRT BY JOHN HAY
DER OAK UND DER VINE BY CHARLES FOLLEN ADAMS
THE SHIP OF FAITH ANONYMOUS
HE WANTED TO KNOW ANONYMOUS
AN OPPORTUNITY ANONYMOUS
GAPE-SEED ANONYMOUS
LARIAT BILL ANONYMOUS
THE CANDIDATE BY BILL NYE
ONE AFTERNOON ANONYMOUS
NOT IN IT ANONYMOUS
A TWILIGHT IDYL BY ROBERT J. BURDETTE
LAVERY'S HENS ANONYMOUS
LISP ANONYMOUS
THEY MET BY CHANCE ANONYMOUS
THE BRIDEGROOM'S TOAST ANONYMOUS
REHEARSING FOR PRIVATE THEATRICALS BY STANLEY HUNTLEY
THE V-A-S-E BY JAMES JEFFREY ROCHE
PAPA AND THE BOY BY J. L. HARBOUR
THE OBSTRUCTIVE HAT IN THE PIT BY F. ANSTEY
HULLO BY S. W. FOSS
THE DUTCHMAN'S TELEPHONE ANONYMOUS
DOCTOR MARIGOLD BY CHARLES DICKENS
THE RULING PASSION BY WILLIAM H. SIVITER
THE DUTCHMAN'S SERENADE ANONYMOUS
WIDOW MALONE BY CHARLES LEVER
HIS LEG SHOT OFF ANONYMOUS
THE STUTTERING UMPIRE BY THE KHAN
THE MAN WHO WILL MAKE A SPEECH ANONYMOUS
CARLOTTA MIA BY T. A. DALY
THE VASSAR GIRL BY WALLACE IRWIN
A SHORT SERMON ANONYMOUS
A LANCASHIRE DIALECTIC SKETCH (Tummy and Meary) ANONYMOUS
HIS BLACKSTONIAN CIRCUMLOCUTION ANONYMOUS
KATRINA LIKES ME POODY VELL ANONYMOUS
AT THE RESTAURANT ANONYMOUS
A-FEARED OF A GAL ANONYMOUS
LEAVING OUT THE JOKE ANONYMOUS
THE CYCLOPEEDY BY EUGENE FIELD
ECHO BY JOHN G. SAXE
OUR RAILROADS ANONYMOUS
WAKIN' THE YOUNG 'UNS (The old man from the foot of the stairs—5 a. m.) BY JOHN C. BOSS
PAT'S REASON ANONYMOUS
QUIT YOUR FOOLIN' ANONYMOUS
SHE WOULD BE A MASON BY JAMES L. LAUGHTON
HENRY THE FIFTH'S WOOING BY SHAKESPEARE
SCENE FROM "THE RIVALS" BY RICHARD BRINSLEY SHERIDAN
SCENES FROM "RIP VAN WINKLE" AS RECITED BY THE LATE A. P. BURBANK
PART III SERIOUS HITS
IF WE HAD THE TIME BY RICHARD BURTON
THE FOOL'S PRAYER BY EDWARD ROWLAND SILL
THE EVE OF WATERLOO BY LORD BYRON
THE WRECK OF THE JULIE PLANTE BY WILLIAM HENRY DRUMMOND
FATHER'S WAY BY EUGENE FIELD
I AM CONTENT TRANSLATED BY CARMEN SYLVA
THE EAGLE'S SONG BY RICHARD MANSFIELD
BREAK, BREAK, BREAK BY ALFRED, LORD TENNYSON
VIRGINIUS BY MACAULAY
THE WOMEN OF MUMBLES HEAD BY CLEMENT SCOTT
WILLIAM TELL AND HIS BOY BY WILLIAM BAINE
LASCA BY F. DESPREZ
THE VOLUNTEER ORGANIST BY S. W. FOSS
LIFE COMPARED TO A GAME OF CARDS ANONYMOUS
OLD DADDY TURNER ANONYMOUS
THE TRAMP ANONYMOUS
THE DANDY FIFTH BY F. H. GASSAWAY
ON LINCOLN BY WALT WHITMAN
THE LITTLE STOWAWAY ANONYMOUS
SAINT CRISPIAN'S DAY BY SHAKESPEARE
THE C'RRECT CARD BY GEORGE R. SIMS
THE ENGINEER'S STORY BY ROSA H. THORPE
THE FACE UPON THE FLOOR BY H. ANTOINE D'ARCY
THE FUNERAL OF THE FLOWERS BY T. DE WITT TALMAGE
CATO'S SOLILOQUY ON IMMORTALITY BY JOSEPH ADDISON
OPPORTUNITY BY JOHN J. INGALLS
OPPORTUNITY'S REPLY BY WALTER MALONE
THE ERL-KING BY JOHANN WOLFGANG VON GOETHE (Translated by Sir Walter Scott)
CARCASSONNE BY M. E. W. SHERWOOD
THE MUSICIANS ANONYMOUS
ON THE RAPPAHANNOCK ANONYMOUS
COMO BY JOAQUIN MILLER
AUX ITALIENS BY OWEN MEREDITH
INDEX
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